How the Hell Do I Feel

I remember listening carefully to what he was saying. I observed very closely how his face reactions were and how he moved as he held everyone around him hooked!  Damn! I thought  to myself – when would I ever be so special?

The next few years of school, I spent closely observing scores of people trying to see what made them special or why would everyone want to be friends with that one person.

What is it that that makes people special? I would then compile the list of things that I’d think would make me special and imitate is just as these people would do. Guess what? I was pretty successful at it. There was a stage when I’d proudly say that everything in me was learned.

Then just out of college I was thrown into a world that I’d never imagined. I thought the same trick would work here as well but this time it was way too complex!  Every person I met was different and has something extraordinary in them. There was nothing in common and this startled me. It opposed my learning in life – that certain traits make people special. What next – of course, an identity crisis!

“Just be yourself” came the answer when I asked my manager what I should do as I struggled to cope up with this crisis. And then life changed forever…

Three years later, I know that I’m a special person, at least to a few people around me. Gone are the days when I would think about everything I’d do or say and reflect if I did the right thing or not. Gone are those days when I’d reflect from whom I acquired a particular habit.

These days, anytime I do say or do something different, I take pride in it and stop for a minute to remember, “I’m just being myself. To hell with being special. I just want to be myself and nothing more!”